


Cereal Killer

by ScotchWithoutButter



Category: Cereal Mascots - Fandom, Mascots - Fandom, cereal - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotchWithoutButter/pseuds/ScotchWithoutButter
Summary: Tony the Tiger, one of the most famous cereal mascots to ever grace a box, and a shit load of commercials. He was a lovable anthropomorphic tiger, supportive to the children in those commercials, and an inspiration to all others. Though, this Tony is a much different tiger. This is what he became after he was booted for, while in a drunken stupor, eating a man's face, which he thought was a bowl of frosted flakes. Luckily, Cap'n Crunch pulled a few strings and covered up his misdeed. That still didn't change the fact that Tony no longer had a job. What will he do? Will Cap'n Crunch have more to do with this story? Who was the guy he ate? Will Tony ever return to his prime?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Cereal Killer

**Cereal Killer  
  
** **_Chapter One_  
  
-  
  
 _A bowl of milk and EXPOSITION!_  
  
**

* * *

Tony looks to the mirror, the image of a wary, depressed, and soulless tiger looks back at him. This is him now.  
It has been him for about three years. Before that, he was a respected member of the cereal mascot community.  
What happened? Well, you read the summary. He ate a man's face. That usually looks good on **normal** tigers, but not Tony.  
The depressed Tiger tries to wash his face, stopping at the sight of a small pile of blue blood-stained feathers in the sink.   
"Fuck, he's molting again."  
  
  
He lets out a tired sigh, a new day always being a shitty one. He bites the bullet anyway, pushing himself away from the bathroom counter.  
As Tony leaves the bathroom, a white, lanky rabbit bumps into his arm, falling ass-first onto the hallway floor.  
"Hey, I think the world just flipped." The rabbit tries to stagger back up, seemingly having no memory of how to stand.  
Tony pulls the rabbit to his feet. "Trix, you walked into my arm like it was-- well, everything."  
"Is Trix my name? Why was I named Trix? Was I birthed to be a cereal mascot, or did they just name a fuckin' cereal after me?"  
  
  
Tony squints. "How high are you?"  
"5'9." Trix smiles, satisfied with his answer. "Wait, what was the question?"  
"Nothing." Tony shakes his head. He then pushes Trix along the hall, and to the living room.  
While Trix messes around the the small tablet they refer to as 'the TV', Tony searches the cabinets for something to eat.  
"How do you feel about Trix-- I mean-- ... shit."  
  
  
"Of course we can have Trix, I get them for free. I'm **the** Trix Rabbit. I remember that, at least."  
Tony rubs the bridge of his nose. "Trix... you-- you cursed an eight-year-old out on set. You were fired."  
"What? Tony... are-- are you high?"  
"You told him that you fucked his father."  
"What? I would never say such a thing! Even if I did, I think he would have deserved it.  
He told me I couldn't eat Trix, well I told him I sure could eat his dad's ass like it's--"  
"--Yeah, like it's a bowl of cereal, I remember you saying exactly that."  
Trix then plops onto the couch, a loud squawk coming from the seat.  
" **FUCK**!"  
  
  
Something erupts from the couch, Trix being flung off, with his face hitting the floor.  
"Why did the couch just yell?" Tony questions, looking over Trix's dangling legs.  
"It's Boo-Berry, dickhead!"  
Trix excitedly hops up. "Boo? Dude, I haven't seen you in, like, two weeks! By the way, you have any weed?"  
"No, carrot-dick, it's me!"  
Tony's expression droops a little more than usual, pouring some milk into his coffee. "Hey, Sam. Commit any felonies lately?"  
"Screw you, those people jumped in the way of my car. I think **you're** committing a felony by making such wild accusations."  
Tony stirs his cup of coffee around with a spoon, looking back to Sam. "Would you like to explain those blood-stained feathers in my fucking sink?"  
  
  
Trix hops onto the couch, his head landing in Sam's lap while he's sitting.  
"It's my blood. I was selflessly jumping into the bay to save a drowning elderly woman. Because, unlike you, I care about other people."  
Tony takes a good, long sip from his glass. "So, let me get this straight. You leapt into the bay, which isn't anywhere near here.  
To save an old lady who, for some reason, was swimming in the ocean?"  
"Yes, absolutely." Sam pets Trix's head, displaying an oddly soft and nurturing touch.  
"How would that explain the blood?" Tony takes a seat next to them.  
  
  
"Fine, you got me, I was drunk. I also ran a few people over for the Cap'n." Sam watches the television blankly, an almost undetectable sorrow in his tone.  
"The Cap'n, huh?" Tony looks over to Sam.  
"Like, Crunch? That guy?" Trix lifts his head up, looking at Tony.  
Except, it was Sam that answered.  
"Yes. Cap'n Crunch. The guy that practically **owned** us when we were in the cereal game."  
Tony looks down, thinking about the events that had transpired when he knew Crunch.  
"He covered up the 'lunch time' incident. If it weren't for him, I'd be in prison."  
Sam leans back, resting his head on his hands. "He did that for a lot of us."  
"I just wish Lucky was as-- leprechaun." Trix looks to the ceiling.  
  
  
Tony slumps forward, holding his mug with both hands. "Yeah, I remember some maniac murdering Lucky. The bastards."  
"That makes me think... do you think Cap'n had anything to do with that? Lucky wasn't the most loyal to Crunch."  
Sam and Trix look towards Tony.  
Sam then lets out a sigh. "That's what Crunch does when disrespected. God complex, and all. That's what he did to Chip."  
Tony looks up. "Chip. He didn't deserve what he got. Sure, he was an asshole, but he cared. He got a raw deal... but I don't think he's dead."  
Trix reaches for Tony's shoulder. "Dude--"  
Tony looks down to Trix, quirking a brow in the process.  
"-- can I have a sip of that coffee?"  
  
  
"Just-- have it." Tony hands the mug off to Trix, getting up from his seat.  
Trix giggles, drinking it heartily.  
"I'm going to the store." Tony says, making his way to the door.  
As he's about to open it, Sam blurts something out.  
"Don't eat a guy's face."  
Tony retorts, "Don't curse at your own children."  
"Don't fuck anyone's dad." Trix scratches head after saying that. "Wait- that was me."  
Tony shakes his head, and forces himself out of the door.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is 100% ironic, i swear


End file.
